FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize