If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
