I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
