This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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