And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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