I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
