oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
