How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
