You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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