the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
