at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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