i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
