Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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