dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
