I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize