shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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