Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
