I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
