if only i could text you this smell
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
