careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
