dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
