After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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