You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
