I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
