it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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