You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
