I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
