remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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