Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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