I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
