Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
