I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dick has a subreddit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
