I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
