The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
