i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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