How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
