Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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