We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
