Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
