I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my being single is dangerous.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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