just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
