just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
