So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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