Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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