Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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