worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize