he thought i was a dude.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
