And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
