Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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