Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i love accidental penises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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