How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
