These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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