this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We need to get me chipped asap
God I need to hump something, right now.
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