we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The air was thick with penises
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
