And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
