You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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