Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
