Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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