i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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I can't trust your balls anymore.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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