I hate all girls vehemently.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize