Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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