So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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